The Secret
by MosquitoKid
Summary: Santana has a secret. Nobody will ever know. But her. One-shot.


Sure, she'd come out officially, but that didn't mean she didn't want anyone to know her _real_ secret. The secret that would _really _make her seem cowardly. There was only one person in the world who knew her secret, one person who knew all of her secrets.

…

Santana ran down the hallway, almost tripping over her own feet multiple times; she could barely see anything through the tears that clouded her eyes. She had just been in Sue Sylvester's office for what seemed like an eternity when in reality, it was only thirty seconds of staring blankly at that television screen that mattered. In that political campaign ad she saw everything that was important to her. She saw her parents. She saw Brittany. She saw her future on the Cheerios. She saw her future in general, and how hard it was going to be now. She had to get out, by any means necessary.

Before she knew it, she was fumbling with the keys to her car, sobs wracking her entire body. This couldn't be happening. Her life was about to change forever. She eventually got the door open and started up the engine. Where would she go to do it? Home. Then her parents would know before that ad aired. Hands shaking on the wheel, Santana thought about all of the things that would never be the same. Her parents would hate her. Her abuela would hate her even more. Everyone at school would judge her behind her back. Some would judge her to her face. _Fag_. _Dyke_. _Homo_. Words she'd have to learn to get used to. But where she was going, she wouldn't have to get used to anything.

…

Santana pulled into her driveway. Nobody was home. Good, it would make everything easier. She slowly got out of her car and walked into her house. She dropped her backpack by the front door, like it was just another normal day at home. But it wasn't. As she ascended the staircase, photos of her childhood peppered the walls. Pictures of her wearing white dresses with pink bows, playing with her older brother, having sleepovers with Brittany. Evidence of her parents love for the daughter they thought they knew. Finally, she reached her bedroom. She pulled open the door and rushed to her drawer. If this was going to happen, it would need to be fast. She didn't want to second-guess herself.

Inside the drawer was a razorblade. She'd contemplated using it so many times in her life, she couldn't even count. For all the times she'd gotten fucked by a boy who meant nothing to her. For all of the times she'd made Brittany cry because she was too much of a coward to announce their love proudly. For all the times her parents were so proud of the woman she'd become and she'd think "you don't even know who I am". But this time she really was going to use it. She picked up the blade and played with it in her hands a little bit. Such a small tool was going to cause so much damage. But she couldn't think about that now, it was something that needed to be done. Everyone would be better for it in the end. So she rolled up her sleeve and held out her wrist.

Suddenly, the door burst open and Santana whipped her head around to see Brittany standing there, hair disheveled and a look of pure terror splashed across her face.

"What are you doing, San?" she screamed.

All Santana could do was stare, frozen in the suicidal image she had created. She didn't know what she was doing. And that scared her. Without warning, the tears just started rolling down her cheeks again and she broke out into the most painful cries she'd ever experienced. Brittany rushed over to her and gently took the razor out of her hand, setting it on the drawer. Then she gathered Santana up in her arms and held her, hugging her tightly. Santana could feel Brittany's suppressed sobs hiccupping throughout her body as she held her.

"I'm sorry I screamed, I just…was so scared. I heard about what happened and when they said you disappeared, I knew you'd go home. I just had a feeling. It's like ESPN or something…" she mumbled into Santana's hair.

Santana let out a small chuckle. "It's ESP, Britt."

"Well whatever it is, I know it's something you have with someone you love. Someone you're connected to through some sort of unexplainable force. Someone you could never live without…" Then she grabbed Santana by the shoulders. Her eyes were glossed over with tears unshed and her cheeks were flushed with the fear of loss.

"Santana…I know it's going to be hard. But you have _no idea_ how much people love you. How much I love you. If you were ever to leave…" Brittany's voice broke. "I'd be so lost." The tears splashed out of her crystal blue eyes and landed with soft thuds on the carpet.

Santana couldn't believe she'd almost tried to kill herself. She didn't even think about how that would affect Brittany. She didn't even think at all.

"Brittany, I am so sorry…" she started.

"No," Brittany put a finger to Santana's lips. "You don't have to be. You weren't thinking. Everything happened so fast. You just needed someone to reach out and hold you. Well I'm here now, Santana. And I always will be. I promise."

Santana collapsed back into Brittany's arms and sobbed. She cried over everything that was going to happen, over all the pain that she was about to incur. But she knew now that in the end, everything was going to be okay. As long as she had Brittany, there would always be someone there to hold her. Someone to grab her hand when she needed support. Someone who would never judge her and always love her. And as long as she had that, life seemed to her just a little bit brighter.

…

"Hey."

Brittany rushed up to Santana in the hallway and gave her a soft peck on the lips.

"Hey," Santana replied, a faint blush threatening to creep on her cheeks.

"What were you thinking about? You looked all serious and stuff," Brittany asked playfully.

Santana smiled. "Just thinking about how much I love you. Wanna go grab a bite?"

"Can we go to Taco Bell? Lord Tubbington really wants a volcano taco!" Brittany pleaded.

"Of course, Britt. But I think Tubbs should probably go on a diet soon…" Then she grabbed Brittany's hand and proudly walked out with her towards the parking lot. Brittany had saved her life. And that was the one secret that would always be kept between them.


End file.
